


Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

by OverTheRainbow2



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-16 22:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11838735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverTheRainbow2/pseuds/OverTheRainbow2
Summary: After it all falls apart, John and Kayleigh try to move on. For Kayleigh, this leads to a momentous decision. Will it force John to make one of his own?





	1. It

7am. The alarm clock heralded the start of another day by belting out Beyonce's Bootylicious. In one fluid motion, Kayleigh swung her arm across her body and hit the off button with a satisfying smack. For a few blissful moments as she came into wakefulness, it was as though "it" had never happen. As though the world was still filled with the exciting possibilities of newly found love, of secret hopes, of unspoken feelings, of what could be but now never would. Before "it" happened, she'd sit on the edge of her bed first thing every morning, looking at her heart shaped novelty lamp on the windowsill. The morning light causing it to cast a warm, soft, rose tinted glow. She'd ponder it's infinite meanings and possibilities, like it's plastic held the secrets of the universe. All to the never-ending soundtrack of Steve reviving his f'ing bike outside the window of her tiny little box room. She'd shower with one foot on the door, dress, fix up her hair and apply her make up, have a quick jeuge of Jade Goody's "Shh", then make her way to the kitchen for the daily ritual of fighting for space to grab some toast and a quick brew. She'd become adept at dodging an ever frantic Mandy, issuing orders to a disinterested Chloe and Alfie, as they wander about aimlessly, glued to their phones like zombies. All this while PE kits are handed out and tuna sandwiches and PomBears are stuffed into backpacks. Morning Mandy was like some strange creature, half Mum, half octopus. By 8 am Kayleigh would linger in the hallway and the little red car that held all her hopes and dreams would slowly come to a stop outside. Some days she'd see him arrive, on other days she'd hear his voice first, chatting to Steve and laughing at some daft joke. She always took a moment to check her hair and lippy in the hall mirror one last time, take a deep breath, shout her goodbyes to Mandy and the kids, then head out with her heart beating faster, filled with excitement, like a teenager on her first date. 

Today was different though. Tomorrow would be different too. Life was different now....all because "it" had happened yesterday. There would be no more little red car. A text sent from the back of a taxi before she'd switched off her phone, removed any lingering doubt that she intended to make her journeys alone from now on. The novelty heart lamp was now in a black bin bag under her bed. She'd taken it down in a cloud of tears the night before. What had for so long been her touchstone, sat there taunting her, reminding her of her foolishness, of her naivety, of her aching loneliness. Like a block of Kryptonite to Superman, it's mere presence seemed to weaken her ever more with each passing minute. She'd thrown it in the waste paper basket in her bedroom. Then taken it out with a view to throwing it in the wheelie bin downstairs but Steve was still out tinkering and she couldn't bear the interrogation, or worse, the smart arsed comments. Abandoning the momentary thought of burying it in the back-garden like a cursed artefact, finally, in desperate need of a solution to her pain, she'd gone to the kitchen in a quiet moment and grabbed a bin bag, along with a full packet of Maryland Cookies and some Babybels. Sleep eluded her and this time she couldn't blame the curtains. YouTube offered no solution, just salt for a gaping wound. By the time Beyoncé was insisting, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly", Kayleigh wasn't ready for anything and "jelly" was the least of her problems. She had a full day ahead of her and was facing it with an empty, broken heart.

She must have looked as bad as she felt this morning. Mandy had paused in her usual flurry of activity to say, "Christ sis! So much for an early night. You look bloody awful!" Kayleigh replied with a half hearted, weak voiced, "Thanks". Other than to decline dinner and make her excuses while heading up stairs the night before, they were the first words she'd spoken in more than twelve hours. Perhaps it was the tone, perhaps it was the universal language of sisterhood but it stopped Mandy in her tracks. "Seriously Kayleigh....are you alright?" For a second she wanted to scream "NO! I'm not ALRIGHT! I'm anything but! I get woken up at dawn by your bike obsessed fella, your screaming kids are driving me mental and why can't you get a lock on the bathroom door?! Oh and I got my heart ripped out of my chest last night by a man I thought might just be the love of my life and my future...and my happiness...and my whole bloody world, so NO I'm not ALRIGHT and I don't think I'll ever be ALRIGHT again!" Instead, she said, "Yeah. I'm fine" then turned and left the kitchen and headed down the hall to her sister's suspicious gaze burning a hole in her back and the strains of Chloe shouting, "Give it back Alfie!....MUM!!!!"


	2. Hello Darkness My Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new day dawns for John.

6.15 am. The alarm didn't go off. It didn't need to and not just because he didn't need the extra 45 minutes anymore. He got the text while he was still stuck in traffic. "I'll make my own way from now on". That's all it said. "I'll make my own way". He'd turned off the radio in the car and spent the rest of the journey home in silence. The final glimpse of the taxi heading off into the distance was burned on his brain and kept replaying to the point of torture. By the time he got home, his Nana was snoozing in his armchair in front of Emmerdale. The parcel, which had seemed so urgent and yet was now so redundant, was sitting on the hall table. Ignoring it, he decided to let her sleep for a bit. With legs like lead, he went upstairs into his room, closed the door, sat on his bed and cried. He cried like he hadn't cried since his Dad passed. Cried like somehow it would make a difference. That it would be enough to make it stop. Then, when he felt he couldn't cry anymore today, he got up, dried his eyes, washed his face and went back downstairs. 

He'd called out to his Nana as he went, concerned that he might frighten her with his sudden appearance. She was awake and responded, "Is that you our John?" her tiny crackling voice echoing up the hall. "Yeah Rose it's me. You were asleep when I got in. Did you get your tea?" She'd had the quiche. She was tired now and wanted to get home. Get the curtains drawn. He drove her home, through quietened streets while she told him the latest news about Paul and the holiday he'd booked and how much Ben and Sophie were looking forward to it and what a good Dad he was and how busy he was with his job and on...and on..and on, until it wasn't words anymore just sound. He'd switched on her television and checked that the back door was locked. She was paranoid about that back door. Then he'd kissed her cheek, assured her he'd bring her a Dairy Box at the weekend and left. Strangely, he thought as he sat in the car, she never did acknowledge that simple gesture. Never did say thank you. He said it every time, he did it every time and yet nothing. He couldn't remember the last time Paul called round. At least, when it wasn't a flying visit to leave Ben and Sophie, to "See their Nana"/get a bit of free babysitting. Maybe that's what happens when you've got a wife and kids. Your priorities change. Then again, it wasn't something he needed to think about. It wasn't going to happen to him. He'd made absolutely sure of that.

In that moment, he couldn't prevent his mind drifting back to when he gave Kayleigh that heart shaped lamp. She'd looked like a kid at Christmas. You'd have thought he'd handed her the world, not just a plastic novelty lamp. He remembered her talking about it. A casual aside in a stream of chit chat. It was on offer in non-foods and she'd buy it if she had a few quid left over at the end of the month. She wanted to cheer herself up. Hearts always cheered her up. He'd hated seeing her so sad. There was something profoundly wrong about Kayleigh being sad. He wanted to fix that. Something inside him told him he needed to fix that. By the time he headed to non-foods in pursuit of the lamp, it was sold out. His mission to locate one then felt essential. That lamp was his Holy Grail. He finally found one in Preston and by convincing Tom Ackerly that a customer had requested it and he'd buy him a drink at the staff party, it had arrived with the Tuesday morning delivery. He'd just hand it to her he thought, not make a fuss. Then he'd found himself buying a gift bag. It would make her smile. How he missed that smile. How he loved that smile. There was that pain. He'd driven home, stopping briefly at the Co-op late shop for a meal for one. 

He hadn't slept that night. At least not in any useful sense. To spare himself the piercing tone and in a final admission of defeat, he'd turned the alarm off hours ago. He'd just lain there ever since. Not so much staring at the ceiling as tunnelling through the darkness...only to discover there was no light to be found, just more layers of darkness. It was gone. The light was gone from his life. Now there was a thought to conjure with. Not so much "gone" this time eh John, as thrown away. When did he become such a coward? When he lost Anna? When he lost Charlotte? When he lost his Dad? He didn't want to think about it. Then again, he never did. He knew he was falling in love with her. Knew he had fallen in love with her. She was like no one else he'd ever met. Funny, joyous and optimistic. Never letting the past get in the way of the future. Naive and yet at times, strangely wise. So beautiful to his eyes and yet so self-conscious and self-critical to her own. She made him happy. Stupidly. Intoxicatingly. Completely, happy. Why the Hell did that frighten him so much? Why didn't he stop himself?! Why didn't he stop before it hurt so much?!...and God did it hurt. Worse still, there was no relief from it. It was relentless. It was as though pain and loss was filling every part of his body. That a dam had burst in his heart and he was drowning. It had been twelve hours and yet in some ways it felt like twelve minutes and in others, like years. The thought of her was like a knife in his chest. So he tried not to think of her. That only made him think of her more and round and round it went until he was punch drunk. A substantial part of him wished he was literally drunk. He always valued the control of being stone cold sober but right now he longed for the oblivion of being shit faced, leathered. 

This pain was new and yet in someways it felt like an old friend. Looking back, what hurt with Anna was the sense that he couldn't compete. He wasn't smart enough, or cool enough or edgy enough, or anything "enough". He was a kid with some vague notion of going to music college one day and a part time job stacking shelves at Tesco. It was inevitable that it would come to an end. In many ways it made his life easier. Not least of which was that he had a few extra quid in his pocket at the end of the month. Anna never did like paying her way and he was too much of a gentleman to complain. Or maybe he just wanted to avoid the confrontation. When it came to fight or flight, he'd taken off more frequently than EasyJet. It worked too in fairness. He'd never once felt the loss of her. It was the same with Charlotte. He felt embarrassed by what happened. He felt guilt. He felt sorry that he'd unintentionally hurt someone he cared for. Someone who didn't "deserve" to be hurt. He wished it all hadn't gone so far. That he'd allowed himself to be boxed into a corner and had made promises he couldn't keep. That he'd "gone along with it" to please everyone but himself. His father was so ill at the time and he just wanted to make him smile, to make him happy. His Dad really loved Charlotte. He would have adored Kayleigh. There was that pain again. For a time after Charlotte left, he'd felt alone and part of him even missed the companionship and the regular sex, let's be honest but that soon passed. Like Anna before her, he'd never once actually felt the loss of Charlotte. This was what was new. He felt the loss of Kayleigh. The sound of her voice, her laugh, her smile, her eyes. Her presence in his car and in his life. That his heart would beat faster every time he saw her. That being with her felt right in a way that nothing else ever had or ever would again. He wished he'd never said the things he'd said, not only because he'd caused her pain but because he didn't mean a single word of them. Not a single word. Ironically, the words he had meant, she'd never heard.


	3. Outside The Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Kayleigh got her groove back.

As Kayleigh closed the front door, silencing Chloe and Alfie's raised voices mid-flow and Mandy's exasperated tones, she took a deep breath before heading off towards the gate. Steve was tinkering as per. The spanner with the spanner. The thought almost made her smile. She braced herself for this morning's "hilarious" repartee. It didn't take long. "He's not here yet Cinderella. Your very own Prince Charming". Noticing her expression of disinterest, Steve persisted, "He with his bright red carriage. Come to sweep you off your feet and straight into aisle 7". He threw his head back and laughed with gusto. She couldn't even muster the energy to fight back. Not this morning. She simply lowered her head and kept walking. Maybe it was the silence that did it. The absence of a come back. No, "Get stuffed!" or "Stick your bike up your arse!" Nothing. Steve stopped mid chuckle, as he noticed Kayleigh was heading off, on her own. "Ay up! Where you goin?! You're not gonna leave him in the lurch are ya!? He's most likely got stuck in traffic. He's regular as clockwork is your John. Check your phone. He'd never leave ya hangin that lad." Inwardly she replied, "You think!?" She wasn't even going to allow herself to consider the phrase "Your John". Outwardly though, she simply turned slowly and looked at Steve. 

She contemplated lying. Coming up with some cock and bull story about him changing shifts, or changing stores, or leaving the country but she couldn't face it and in a monotone she barely recognised as her own voice said, "We're not Car Sharing anymore. We decided it was for the best". That was only a partial distortion of the truth. Steve looked at her for a second. The remnants of his jollity fading slowly into a serious expression, as he processed what she'd said. She waited for a rendition of "Another One Bites The Dust", or some cutting remark but to her surprise, none came. He considered her silently for a few seconds then simply said, "I'm sorry to hear that. I liked him. He seemed like a decent bloke." "Appearances can be deceptive", she replied but almost immediately regretted it. Steve stood up suddenly and looked alarmed, "What ya mean? He didn't hurt you did he? I know we're not exactly mates but if he hurt ya...." "No Steve", she replied in a calming tone, "He didn't hurt me. At least, not like that". The pain in those final five words was evident, even to the usually clueless Steve. "Whatever's happened, it can’t be that bad. You can sort it, the pair of you, surely?" "I don't think so Steve. We just want different things". "He wants you". The comment shocked Kayleigh and for a moment, she allowed it to show on her face. She soon recovered. "He doesn't". "Listen. I don't know what he said to ya in the heat of the moment but he wants you. I'm a bloke, I know". "You know nothing!" "I know more than ya think. I know he drives miles out his way to sit in a bloody car with you every day. I know it pisses him off when I tease ya. I know that he looks at you like you hung the moon, then went back and painted the stars and I know that since he's been pickin you up, you've been happier than I've seen you in years". She wished he'd stop. She was going to cry again and she'd promised herself she wouldn't, if only to save her make up. She could feel the pressure building. Then suddenly, like a volcano, it exploded and no amount of effort could stop it. "He doesn't want me ok! He doesn't love me! He made that perfectly clear. You'll be delighted to know that I made a complete fool of myself yesterday, spilled my guts and he just looked at me like I was a crazy woman and you know what!? I am. I am crazy. I'm 36 years old and I live in my sister's box room. I've never had a relationship that didn't end in disaster. Or known a bloke who didn't rip my heart out and stamp on it just for shit and giggles. I'm like some poor sod on the streets, with my nose pressed up against the window, looking at someone else's dinner! I have no life! I borrow yours. I get to watch yours and I thought for one lousy moment that it was my turn. My turn to live. My turn to share my life with someone. To be the whole world to one person and for him to be the whole wide world to me....but it's never my turn is it? I'm stuck in a bloody box and I'm never getting out. You were right about Cinderella and John was right about me. My life is a friggin fairytale. A fantasy, where the Prince never shows up, or just can't be arsed. I don't get to share someone's life. I'll never be that important. I just share their car. I'm Kayleigh Kitson, a daft cow, with daft ideas. Good for a punchline. Some poor mare who no one notices, except to feel sorry for or take the piss. I mean, Christ! I even get paid to stand there all day, smile politely and be ignored! Well, you know what? I'm done with that, I'm done with all this. I'm done". With that, she turned and left, leaving Steve as stunned as he'd ever been in his life. 

He stood there for a moment, processing, before going to the gate and calling out "Kayleigh!" but she was already half way down the road and didn't look back. He knew she was fiery like her sister. Had a temper on her for sure, but he felt strangely troubled by what she'd said and almost more so by how she'd said it. He felt uneasy. Like he'd had a glimpse of the world through her eyes. She seemed defeated. Now he felt like a prize shit. At that moment Mandy's voice pierced the silence, "Oy, I can't find the car keys and we're late. These two have been kicking off again. Honestly Steve, we need to talk about this. You need to step up and do some bloody parenting. I'm sick of....what's wrong?" Throughout her tirade Steve had continued to watch Kayleigh until she was out of sight. Only now did Mandy notice her sister's disappearing form rounding the corner at the end of the road. "Why's our Kayleigh walkin? Where's her John?" "I don't think he is "her John" anymore", replied Steve with an uncharacteristic air of sadness that struck Mandy and at once it all fell into place. Kayleigh's early night, her behaviour this morning. "Aw, frigadig. She really liked him too. I thought we had a winner this time". "Yeah. So did she", Steve replied. After a moment he looked at Mandy and said, "I think you should talk to her Mand". "She'll be fine Steve. It’s not like she hasn’t been here before. A family sized box of Kleenex, her heartbreak songs playlist, her Dirty Dancing DVD and half a tonne of Thorntons Classics and she'll be right as rain". "I don't think so sweetheart. Something's not right". "What do you mean "not right”? "I mean it's different. She's not even angry with him. She's more angry at herself. It's like she just accepts it". "Well, maybe that's a good thing! Maybe she knows she made a mistake. Maybe he didn't mean that much to her. He's hardly heartthrob material now is he?!" For a moment Steve just looked at Mandy. He wasn't exactly adept at finding the right thing to say at the right moment but there were times when he was charm personified compared to her. He loved Mandy, always had, always would but sometimes he didn't like her very much. This was one of those moments. She seemed to register his disapproval, "Sorry. That was cruel". "Yeah, it was. You know, maybe I'm not the best judge of character but he seemed sound. He seemed like a good bloke...and he liked her Mandy, I know he did. I think he loved her". "What do you think happened"? "From what I can gather, she told him how she felt and he let her down. I don't get it...but it's hurt her Mand, badly and you need to talk to her. That much I do know." She kissed his cheek. This was the Steve she loved. "You can be a sensitive soul when you want to be, can't you? I'll call her, maybe we'll go out for a bite to eat later, make sure she's ok. It’ll give you a chance to deal with the terrible twosome for a bit". With that, he reached into the pocket of his work trousers and handed her the car keys. Mandy paused as she got into the drivers seat. Looking back at Steve who had turned his attention to the bike once again, her resolve suddenly strengthened, "I'll call her after I leave these two off.". "Yeah, you should", Steve replied, wiping engine oil on his shirt. For a brief moment, Mandy pondered her oil stained other half. Sometimes, he could be a total enigma.

The journey to work was every bit as long and tiring as she remembered but it did give her time to think. She'd dodged Mandy's call. She couldn't face it right now. She was all talked out this morning. Normally she'd feel embarrassed at the thought that Steve knew anything about her, let alone something so personal but it felt strangely good to get it off her chest and she'd been surprised by his sympathetic reaction. She was beginning to feel at peace with herself somehow. Like a weight had been lifted. She couldn't go on like this. She knew that being at work would be excruciating today of all days but she also knew she had to go, if only to pull the sticking plaster off the wound as quickly as possible. As she'd sat on the bus, she'd Googled "BrighterDayCareers.com" and scrolled through the job opportunities, more in hope than expectation. It was with curiosity that she'd clicked on a job vacancy in Preston. Promotions reps for a cosmetics firm. Travel around the region would be required and a company car provided. "Seeking enthusiastic, committed individuals, with drive and ambition". Was that her? Why the Hell not! Why shouldn't it be her? Sod it. She was going to apply. She could feel the excitement building and the adrenaline pumping. They could only say no and she'd had that a lot lately. Nothing could hurt her now. She was immune to pain. She'd been hurt so much she felt numb. Besides...they might just say yes! She sent an email enquiry. By tea break, she had a reply, by lunchtime, she'd sent a copy of her CV and by 3pm, she had an interview the following afternoon in Preston. She'd gone to see Kath Hilton and asked for leave, for a "personal matter", apologising for the short notice. Kath had granted it. She'd then told her that she was no longer participating in the Car Share scheme. While she looked momentarily surprised, Kath was discreet, unlike some. She never pried into personal matters, offering advice only if asked but she was there for support when it was needed. Kayleigh merely explained that, since her recent move, the distance from her sister's home in Bury to the store, was too great and that while John had been kind enough to continue with their buddy arrangement, she knew that it wasn't practical for him and she felt it should end. If Kath suspected any other motivation, to her credit, she didn't let it show. She accepted her explanation, asking only if John agreed. "He knows my feelings. I don't think he'll object", she replied. Kath would send an email confirming the end of the arrangement, by close of business and asked only that they both sign it and return it to her when they got a chance. Kayleigh said she would, thanked Kath and left. 

The Gods had been smiling on her. She hadn't seen him all day. She'd heard some background chatter that he'd decided, on a whim, to do a stock take in non foods and that he was in foul form. She overheard some smart arse commenting that he'd arrived on his own this morning and that there must be "trouble in paradise". When the reply came that "Rachel's been sniffing round him all day, like a bitch in heat", Kayleigh had decided she'd heard enough. By 5pm, as promised, she'd received the email confirming the end of their Car Share. She'd printed it off, signed it, and left it back with Kath in HR, as requested. Done. She was exhausted physically and emotionally and she still had that long journey ahead. Walking in court shoes wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Neither was standing room only on a crowded tram. She could only hope her bus was on time and she didn't have to add a wait in a cold, damp bus shelter to her adventures in travel. Still, the day was over and she could do this. She'd remember her iPod in future. It would provide some distraction. She'd wear her trainers maybe. Do a bit of power walking. She was excited about tomorrow, it would be her first interview in years. Experience if nothing else, she thought and so it was with a spring in her step that she'd left for home. 

She saw him almost as soon as she opened the back door and her traitorous heart began to beat faster, just like it always did. He was talking to Rachel, or rather Rachel was talking to him and giggling like a schoolgirl. From her glance he seemed distracted. He had that expression on his face that he used when he was pretending to listen but was miles away. She'd seen that one, more than a few times. Just as she looked away his eyes caught hers. He'd been leaning against the car and he suddenly appeared to stand up straighter. His gaze locked with hers, deep and serious, until it burned to the point of pain and she looked away. Rachel had obviously realised that he was distracted and no longer paying attention, if he ever was. Kayleigh could feel both sets of eyes on her as she made her way round the side of the building and off towards the tram station. As she reached the first set of traffic lights she thought, "I've done it! I've done it! I saw him and I'm ok, it's done!" It felt good, for a few seconds until the emptiness and regret began to set in once again and it suddenly felt like a hollow victory. That little voice in her head said, "See Kayleigh. You really did mean nothing to him. Look how easily he let you go. Hasn't even tried to call you has he? Look at Rachel. You couldn't compete, could you? Blonde. They always love a blonde don't they? Blondes have more fun". This time though, she wouldn't give in to those thoughts. The voices of her stronger and better angels took over. What had he said to her once, "Women come and women go". Well, she was gone. Good luck to Rachel. Not his type, my eye. Maybe she was just what he needed. Someone who was in it for what she could get. A mutually beneficial arrangement. Yeah, good luck to them both. She spent the rest of her journey Googling "Fresh Face Cosmetics", ethical products, from sustainable sources - Future proof your look. By the time she reached Bury, she knew more about the environmental evils of micro-beads than she ever imagined possible.

Mandy was sitting on the stairs when she got home. "We're going out for a Chinese" she announced, without preamble. "What? Now?!" "Yep, now. You've got twenty minutes to get changed before the taxi rocks up, so you'd best get a wriggle on". "Maannnddd! I'm knackered" "Don't Maannnddd me, you're not 12 anymore. Get up those stairs. There's a Kung Po with your name on it". Kayleigh laughed for the first time in days and realised resistance was futile. Besides, she wanted to tell her sister about the interview....and other things. Although she suspected from Mandy's sudden enthusiasm for eating out on a week night, that Steve already had the "other things" covered. She was proved right. Still, by the time she'd had her three courses and half a bottle of Prosecco, the edge had worn off. Mandy listened to her tale of woe and offered her usual sage advice, "Screw him! He isn't worth it. He's a coward Leelee." She hadn't been called that since Kieran left for Cyprus. It had been her childhood nickname. A throwback to her first efforts to pronounce her name. "Onwards and upwards. We're Kitson's you can't keep us down." Mandy was well passed "fluffy drunk". Before she'd hit "comfortably numb" Kayleigh had told her about the interview and more importantly, about her desire to move on. If this opportunity didn't pan out, she still thought it was time for a change. She needed to find herself somewhere else to live. She'd saved a few quid from staying with Mandy and Steve. Enough to cover the first three months rent, she just needed to find somewhere that would allow her to keep Misty. She was grateful and always would be but it was time. They both got teary when Mandy offered her some extra money from her savings to buy a few bits and pieces. Kayleigh thanked her but thought she'd be ok. As both women stumbled upstairs later, after a taxi journey home that had seen a random assortment of Alanis and S Club 7 belted out with enthusiasm, Kayleigh stopped, slumped down on the stair and in her very best effort to string a sentence together said, "I...I don't know Mand...what's wrong with me? Why can't he love me? I love him...soooooo muuuccchhh. I miss him sooooo muuuccchhh Mand". Mandy looked at her sister's sad face and said with heartfelt sincerity, "There's nothing wrong with you sis. There's no better woman in the land Kayleigh Kitson and you better believe it". "He doesn't". "Well, more fool him I say. Let's get you to bed kiddo. You've got a big day tomorrow." As she put her arm around her sister's shoulder and walked her to her room, Mandy remembered their childhood. How Kayleigh was always this relentless bundle of fun. How she longed for happiness, with a never ending sense of hopefulness. It felt as though that hopefulness was dying in front of her. She could kill John Redmond for that alone.

The morning came too soon and the little box room was awash with light through the thin curtains. Kayleigh was grateful that the interview was in the afternoon. A brass band was playing loudly in her head and they were on their second encore by the time she took a shower. She dug out her favourite suit and her best handbag and shoes. Her hair was sitting well and her make up was perfect. She was pleased with the overall effect. She put on some background Beyoncé for motivation and felt she could take on the world. Some last minute revision about the company and their products and she was on her way. It was Mandy's day off and she drove her the 50 minutes to Preston. The interview started on time at 2pm. Kayleigh was finished by 2.45pm and while she felt pretty positive, she had no real idea if they "liked" her or not. An hour later, they were sitting in a Costa Coffee having paused en route back to Bury, as Mandy made positive yet conciliatory noises. Mostly they seemed to come from the big book of job interview cliches, "I'm sure they loved you", "If it's meant to be, it'll be" (she'd heard that one before) "Well, you gave it a go. That's the most important thing". Suddenly, mid flow, Kayleigh's phone rang, taking a deep breath and noting the number, she sighed, "Well, here goes nothing", she answered the call. It was Fresh Face and they loved her. She was exactly what they were looking for. The job was hers if she wanted it! Her brain was speeding and before she could fully process, she found herself saying, "Yes. Yes, please". The rest of the call was a blur. When it concluded she relayed vague snippets to her smiling sister. Mandy embraced her and Kayleigh realised that tears were running down her face. She'd done it! They wanted her! They loved her! No more two for one on Dairylee Dunkers and Mini Cheddars! No more dressing like a Blackcurrant for national f'in jam week. She'd give in her one month's notice in the morning, then confirm her start date. She'd need to get looking for a place to live. She could commute for a bit but best to get it sorted soon. Preston. She knew some people at the store there. She'd get info on good places to live. Quiet, safe. Not too far from the office. Find out the best shops, restaurants, takeaways, get a gym sorted. She was so excited. Then it hit her.....oh God, he's announcing the Christmas Team tomorrow.......


	4. All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse for John.

Yesterday was bad, today had been another shitter. Tomorrow already looked like it wouldn't get much better. He wasn't rating with next week's chances either. Come to think of it he could probably write off the foreseeable future. He'd woken up with a bad 'ead. By the time he'd left the house it was bangin. It wasn't helped by the fact that he'd driven for twenty minutes and was on the A56 towards Bury before he realised he didn't need to do that anymore. He could just sail in and sail out. Travel in silence. No more chatter about last night's telly, or which celebrity was doing what to whom and why. No more singing along to blasts from the past, no more Golden Hour and "Who's in the Toaster?" No more debates about dinosaurs and conspiracy theories and favourite albums and childhood pets and movies and holidays and past romances and regrets. No more questions about his day. He suddenly realised with a sense of almost overwhelming panic that he never really made a point to ask about hers. Once maybe but never enough. Why didn’t he ask her about her day? Why didn't he ask that simple question!? Why did he act like those things didn't matter to him when they did? Why did he let her think she didn't matter when she did? When she does. When she always would. She would matter to him when nothing else ever mattered again. Kayleigh Kitson would "matter" to him until the day he died. In that moment all he wanted in this world was to ask her about her day. To hear her voice telling him about what promotion she was working on. To hear her asking him for ideas about how to make a BOGOF deal on Toilet Duck exciting. Just to have her next to him, to look to his left and see her face, to know she was there, with her perfume and her smile and her laughter, filling up his senses and warming his heart. Losing her had completely frozen it. The thought that she must hate him now, had shattered it to bits. He knew there was nothing left. He was convinced if he shook, he'd rattle as the pieces rolled around in his chest. 

By the time he arrived at work he was late. His inadvertent detour had cost him. He hated being late. It set a bad example to the staff. Like fraternising with colleagues after work, or falling in love with your Car Share buddy. Ted 2 was sweeping up the early autumn leaves that were starting to fall in the car park. He was wearing a company sweatshirt for a change. The weather had taken a turn. It had been colder these past few days. For all his bluster about him, it turned out he was a nice lad. He'd spoken to him earlier in the week. His name was Ethan, Ethan Bask. He was in his second year of Medicine at Edinburgh. His Dad hadn't been well, John remembered that his Mum Barbara had mentioned that her husband was having tests. Ethan wanted to come home for the summer to help out. He was glad of a chance to make a few quid. He had a girlfriend. Jenna. They were on the same course. He showed John a picture on his phone. A daft selfie they'd taken with a giant plastic "Nessie" when they'd spent a weekend camping up at Loch Ness. She was a beautiful girl, with a kind, gentle face. They looked happy together. He was a lucky lad. Ethan was leaving at the end of the month. Back to Edinburgh. Jenna had spent the summer in Thailand and would be home in a fortnight. A few of the staff were organising a leaving do for him. John planned to chip in a few quid and some beers. He'd call in to wish him well. Leaving dos. One of the limited exceptions to his "no fraternising rule". The less said about the amendment pertaining to flame haired, brown eyed promotion representatives, the better. It occurred to him that he hadn't mentioned Ethan's imminent departure to Kayleigh. Partly, he reasoned, because he knew it would make her sad to see him go and partly because the prospect of her being saddened by the news, saddened him. She'd doubtless hear it from the staff Newsletter, or as she was better known, Elsie. I'm sure she'll break it to her with her customary tact and diplomacy, he thought. 

John spent much of the rest of the day squirrelled away in non foods. He took a sudden notion to carry out a stock take. Not strictly necessary but highly advantageous when you're avoiding the food aisles. The place was a bloody mess. He was furious at the slipping standards, at the poor presentation, at the amount of waste. He'd torn a strip off Adam Arnold. He was the section supervisor. "How did you let it get in such a state! Look at it! It's a mess. If you couldn't handle it, why didn't you say something? This is how it starts. You think you're in control. You think nothing can hurt you, then you realise you're in over your head!" Suddenly he stopped. He could see Adam's puzzled face. "Hurt me?" John struggled to recover his composure, "I meant professionally...hurt you professionally. This mess is costing the company money. Get it fixed now, or you'll be up the road!" With that he stormed out and back to his office. He slammed the door shut and slumped in his chair. Christ! He was a bloody mess never mind Non-Foods. Rachel appeared with a bottle of water and two Nurofen. She'd heard he had a headache. She'd been buzzin around him all day like a wasp at a picnic. He wished she'd take her arse kissing routine and sod off....after she left the Nurofen of course. He turned on his computer and opened up his emails and it all suddenly got very much worse...

From: Kath Hilton  
To: John Redmond  
Subject: Company Car Share Scheme

Hi John,

I hope this finds you well. Kayleigh called in to the office today to confirm that you've decided, mutually, to end your Car Share Buddy arrangement. I'm sorry to hear this. You were one of our more successful pairings and we'd hoped to feature you both in the Autumn Corporate Bulletin. I completely understand your reasoning though. A ninety minute detour everyday is not only inconvenient but hardly consistent with an environmentally friendly travel policy. Kayleigh has now signed and returned the attached form confirming the end of the arrangement. I'd be very grateful if you could please do the same as soon as possible.

Additionally, as the driver, you will be aware that the parking space you are currently occupying will now be subject to review. Pending your acquiring a new Car Share Buddy. HR can of course assist you with this process and should you wish to seek a new "buddy", we will make appropriate enquiries on your behalf. You should note that in the event that no "buddy"can be found, or you choose to no longer participate in the scheme, the parking space will be withdrawn in accordance with company policy, within 30 days. I've attached a copy of the policy for your review.

Should you require any further information on this, or any other matter, please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Kind Regards,

Kath  
Katherine Hilton  
Human Resources Executive

She'd gone to HR. Already! She'd said it was "mutual". It wasn't mutual. She's the one who got out of the bloody car!! How the Hell was that MUTUAL?! None of this was "mutual". It wasn't friggin "inconvenient" either! How could she not know! How could she not see! He'd have driven to the ends of the bloody earth for her! He stood up...he was going to find her. He was going to talk to her. She couldn't do this to him. It was driving him mental. He sat down. He stood up again. He sat down again. He put his head in his hands. After a moment and several calming breaths he began to regain his composure, or what was left of it. She'd gone to HR. She wanted it to end. That was now crystal clear. It was over for her. She was done with him. He'd been enough of an asshole to her already. If this was what she really wanted, he'd sign the damn form. He'd make it official. He'd let her go, again. It was becoming like death by a thousand cuts. He hit print and signed his life away. This time it felt like he really had. 

Rachel had been waiting for him as he left. She was pappin on about a weekend she'd had up in Newcastle and getting her heal stuck in a grate. He'd tuned her out somewhere around her "hilarious" anecdote about Vaseline and a Fireman actually called "Geordie". He wanted to crawl up his own asshole. Instead he slumped against the car. Every part of him was exhausted. He felt like he might just die before this perpetual earache finally ended. Then the door opened and there she was. Like a ray of sunlight, like a dagger in his heart, there she was. Every fibre of his being wanted to go to her. His eyes couldn't look away, he stood up straight as though his subconscious mind was saying go! Go and get her! Look! Run! Quick! There she is! It's Kayleigh, our Kayleigh! We want her back! Get her back John! God he wished she could read his mind right now. There'd been times when he'd been glad she couldn't. Particularly that time when he'd bought her a Mr Whippy and she started sucking on the flake...what!?....I mean fair dos...it was outrageous...and shit hot. Anyway, who sucks on a flake?!! She wanted to melt the chocolate apparently. It wasn't just the chocolate that was meltin that day. She looked amazing. He’d wanted her more than he wanted his next breath. By the time he drifted back to the present she was gone. Like a cloud had covered up the sun. He was stood there with Rachel making low level background noise and she was gone. Inspiration took over, "Oh, is that the time! Listen I must dash. I'm picking up my brother from the airport. See ya!" Before she could finish her enquiry about where his brother had been and what time the flight was arriving? John was in the car, seatbelt on and he was off. He saw her crossing at the traffic lights. The early evening sun caught her hair. For a moment he considered changing lanes, catching up with her, offering her a lift but he knew it was futile. He turned right, she walked straight on towards the tram station, her head down, looking at her phone. Probably checking Heart Searchers, he thought. Probably getting a "wink" from some bloke with a bloody dodgy user name. Up to now they'd just been a random assortment of losers and weirdos but the thought of her being in any real danger terrified him. The thought of her actually falling in love with any of them terrified him almost as much. He was due to announce the Christmas Team in a couple of days time. The thought of working with her on it had thrilled him. Finding "legitimate" excuses to talk to her during working hours. Maybe the odd very necessary trip to a wholesalers, by way of a nice little pub/restaurant, or a country house hotel. Watching the look of innocent delight on her face, as she helped select the decorations and watched the Christmas lights and his not so innocent delight at the prospect of catching his favourite Elf under the mistletoe. Along with everything else, that dream was well and truly gone. She wasn't in work the next day. Annual leave apparently. He didn't remember her mentioning that she had any plans. It wasn't as though the day was improved by her absence. It was all just one long, endless, slow moving nightmare. If only he'd known then, what tomorrow would bring.

She was leaving. He heard it second hand from Kath Hilton when he left the signed form with HR, that brought a final end to their journeys together. He literally couldn't hear anything else after she said it. It was like there was a buzzing in his ears. Nothing else mattered. Where she was going, what she was doing, nothing. She was leaving. He thought proximity without intimacy was a circle of hell. Distance without hope was far worse. One month and that was it. He'd most likely never see her again. He finally caught something about cosmetics, Preston and a company car but she might as well have said NASA, Florida and a Space Shuttle. It all meant the same thing. She was leaving. He saw her later that day. He'd gone down to the shop floor to announce the Christmas Team. He'd left her name on the list. It was hardly a surprise. She already knew she was on it but for some pathetic reason he just wanted her to hear him say it out loud. To say her name in full. Kayleigh Kitson, one last time, this one's for you. There was some light muttering and a faint chuckle as he'd announced her name before Elsie piped up, "Here, Mr Redmond. You do know Kayleigh's off to pastures new don't ya?" "Yes Elsie I'm fully aware of that, thank you." He looked at Kayleigh in that moment and she looked down at the floor as though the tiles were the most fascinating thing she'd ever seen. "I'll consider her replacement when she leaves. The people on this list were my first choice. I thought they should know that." For a second Kayleigh closed her eyes. It was such a subtle moment it could be easily missed. By anyone whose heart wasn't breaking too. "The A Team, eh Mr Redmond. So are you Mr T?!...here..Mr R! We’ll have to get him a medallion!" Elsie's roaring laughter shattered the moment...and a few eardrums. He took the moment to escape back to his office, leaving behind the pleased, the disappointed and the frankly, couldn't care less, to absorb his announcement. He had no idea what Kayleigh was feeling. Then again he never did. Till it was too bloody late.

The second time he saw her she was leaving for the night. He was observing that his rear tyre needed air yet again and supposed it was a slow puncture, when she suddenly emerged through the staff entrance. He watched her for a second, she studiously attempted to ignore him. Then, as though he no longer had control of his mind or his body he said out loud, "Congratulations." She stopped and for a second, she didn't move. He assumed she was ignoring him or maybe she didn't hear, then she slowly turned around and faced him. She looked shocked and momentarily confused. He suspected he did too. He couldn't even control his own mouth these days. Then like a drowning man reaching for a lifeline, he said, "I mean it. I'm happy for you. I want you to be happy.... and I know it's not enough but I am sorry. More than you know". The silence was deafening. "I wish you'd talk to me Kayleigh. I need you to talk to me, please." "I'm talked out John and anyway. What’s left to talk about? I think you've pretty much said it all. You know, I may live in a fairytale but I'm not stupid. Sometimes there's just no "happy ever after" is there?" With that, she turned and walked away.


	5. One Month Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kayleigh prepares to say goodbye, can John find a way to tell her how he feels before it's too late?...

She'd spent every weekend for the past four weeks travelling back and forth to Preston. Mandy had gone house hunting with her. Originally it had been flat hunting with the intention of one bedroom and possibly a balcony, or at least enough space for a window box but Mandy insisted she get two bedrooms to allow for regular visits and so when they widened their search and found a little terraced house in a quiet part of town with a small garden, the deal was done. The landlord was happy for her to modernise the decor, provided it stayed fairly "neutral" and having been introduced to Misty, he had no objections to Kayleigh's canine housemate. She would be earning more in her new job and with the prospect of bonuses for hitting her targets, the little house was well within her budget. She had annual leave still left to take, so she would finish up on the Wednesday and start moving in the day after. She'd bought a new bed and sofa that were due on Thursday. BT and Sky were due on the Friday. All being well, she'd have her bits and pieces in place before she started her new job on Monday. All that was left was to say goodbye. The process had already begun. Customers and reps that she'd come to know and chat to over the years, who knew she was leaving, stopped by to wish her well. Her leaving do was on Friday. It would coincide with the departure of Ted 2, or Ethan, as Kayleigh now knew him. He'd made a point of saying hello when he realised they'd both be leaving at the same time. She'd initially been flustered like a schoolgirl when he spoke to her but she soon realised the inherent stupidity of her embarrassment. Ethan was a great kid but he was just that, a kid. A "Manbo" as Elsie might say. In fairness he had beautiful manners and displayed more emotional maturity than some she could mention, who had a good couple of decades on him. Still, the least said about that the better. 

She'd been stunned when John announced her name for the Christmas Team. She'd just assumed she'd be replaced, after Kath Hilton told him she would be leaving soon. Instead, he'd insisted she should be a part of it. In some ways it had been cathartic. They'd been forced to be in each other's company on a regular basis over the past few weeks and slowly but surely Kayleigh was finding herself becoming more comfortable around him. The happy intimacy they'd once shared had been replaced with something else. She wasn't sure how to define it exactly, but they were talking, at least to the extent that it allowed them to function and that was the main thing. She couldn't simply turn off her feelings. God knows she wished she could. She'd concluded that it really wasn't his "fault" that he didn't love her. It wasn't exactly something you could force. She couldn't will him into it. In some ways it might even be a blessing. There could be nothing worse than being with someone who was there only through a sense of obligation. She didn't want to be another Charlotte. She'd occasionally catch him staring at her when she wasn't looking and her ideas always seemed to attract additional attention from him but she just assumed that it was simply his way of showing he wanted to make amends. She was growing tired of being sad, hurt and angry. She couldn't keep on analysing his every action. Tormenting herself with a past she couldn't change and a future that would never be. She was physically moving on. Maybe it was time she began the emotional stage of the process. 

After much debate, the team had come up with a "theme" for Christmas. "Peace & Goodwill to All". It seemed appropriate given the year that had been. It would have traditional and modern elements. An indoor mini Christmas Market that would celebrate the best of British, with a nod to cultural diversity. Kayleigh had loved the idea and pointed out that it would be a great way to up sell products, by demonstrating how traditional ingredients could be given a modern twist. John had nodded enthusiastically and noted it was a "Great point that, Kayleigh." It earned him a slightly pained smile but he seemed happy to take what he could get. The part of her that still loved him couldn't help but want him to succeed. She knew there was a promotion in it for him if he did. She found that despite her very best efforts, she couldn't bring herself to begrudge him that. Maybe it would make him happy. Or at least provide one of those fleeting moments of happiness that he was content to "settle" for. 

They'd gone for a traditional Twelve Days of Christmas lighting display. "I'd be chuffed if my "true love" gave me five gold rings. To be fair, I'd settle for the Lords a' leapin...but if he turned up on my doorstep with a bloody partridge in a pear tree, I'd shove it up his arse!" Elsie cackled long and loud. "There wouldn't be a second day of Christmas, I can tell ya! Bloody bird shit everywhere!" It made Kayleigh chuckle too. John simply squeezed his eyes shut tight in disgust and shook his head. "Sure I'm only havin a laugh. What would we do without laughter eh Kayleigh love!? Hey, Mr Redmond! What are you gettin your "true love"?" Elsie regretted the words almost as soon as they left her mouth. She wasn't usually one for regrets but she did like Kayleigh and she had a soft spot for John. She wouldn't seek to deliberately hurt either of them. It didn't exactly take a sensitivity she didn't possess, to know that something had gone very badly wrong between these two. As an agonisingly awkward silence ensued, Elsie did what only she could do, she filled it. "Sure don't be tellin us. I don't want my surprise ruined. I know you're lookin forward to fillin my stockin, aren't ya!?" "It'll be a bloody P45 with a big red bow on it if you don't get back to work". Elsie lent conspiratorially towards Kayleigh, "So sensitive that one but he loves me really." With a final hearty laugh she was gone. Leaving John and Kayleigh standing there trying to avoid eye contact. Finally, as John moved to leave, Kayleigh suddenly said, "John." He turned around so fast he almost gave himself whiplash, with an eager expression, bordering on desperation, he said, "Yeah". "I wanted to give you this." He looked down at an oil stained brown padded envelope. "What's this?" "It's the 140 quid I owe you." "I wasn't expecting to get it in used notes in a brown envelope. You gonna give me my instructions and a code word next." He smiled. Kayleigh didn't find it funny. Steve and Mandy had insisted on scrapping together most of the money from their "holiday jar". Mandy felt bad about inadvertently locking her sister in and Steve felt bad about the whole phone situation, or rather, had been made to feel bad about it, by Mandy. Despite Kayleigh's pleas that it wasn't a big deal and that she would pay, they'd accept no argument. Hence the cash in hand and the oil stained envelope which Steve had forced on her as she'd left for work that morning. "I'm sorry it's not a BACS transfer. Maybe you'd have liked it deposited in your Swiss Bank Account." Oh Christ, he'd done it again. "No! I was just jokin...I, I didn't mean..." "Yeah. I'd forgotten that words aren't really your thing, are they?" With that she stormed off. 

How the Hell did that happen?! He couldn't even open his bloody mouth! Aw stick this! He'd had it. He was sick of it. They're all the friggin same! The sooner she was gone the better. He got in his car at 5pm, put on his seatbelt and didn't look back. He brooded to the point of simmering fury. He hated the world and everything in it. He sat at the traffic lights and looked at the other poor sods around him, all stuck in their metal cages. Living their mundane lives....It had been raining today but the early evening sun was making an effort and suddenly, there it was, he could see it in the distance, a perfect rainbow. Radio 5 Live was analysing Prime Ministers Questions but John was miles away in another time and another place......"I have always fancied someone reading out the lyrics to S Club 7 "Reach"". "That's a bit chipper for a funeral innit?!" "Well they won't be singing it. Just reading the words out. When the world leaves you feeling blue, you can count on me, I will be there for you." "How? You're dead." "I'll be speaking to everyone from Heaven. When it seems all your hopes and dreams are a million miles away, I will reassure you." "What you on about?" "Reach for the stars, climb every mountain higher, reach for the stars, follow your hearts desire, reach for the stars and when that rainbow's shining over you...that's when all your dreams will come true and I'm the rainbow. So whenever anyone sees a rainbow they'll be thinkin of me." God, if only he could stop. He heard a car horn sounding somewhere behind him and realised he was still stopped, on a green light. He was shaken out of his revere, waved an apology, hit the accelerator and kept driving. He wanted to be angry, to hate her, to see her as "just another woman". To write her off as another neurotic. To say goodbye and good riddance but he couldn't. He loved her. He'd fallen for her from the day she threw her piss in his face and he'd kept on falling. It didn't matter how hard the landing had been, he still loved her and he always would. When he got home the contents of the parcel he'd been so anxious to receive all those weeks ago, sat on his mantlepiece. He couldn't return it and yet keeping it was impossible. It merely added to his misery. There was nothing else for it. It was time to deal with it, once and for all.

The remainder of the week had crawled by at a snails pace but was largely without incident. For Kayleigh her days were filled with goodbyes and good wishes, her evenings with packing and planning and her nights with sadness, regret and dreams of what might have been. For John, his days were an endless slog of trying at all costs to focus on his work, his evenings, of thinking about how he'd keep focused tomorrow and his nights, with trying to focus on anything other than Kayleigh Kitson. Friday eventually arrived. It was her leaving do and Kayleigh was miserable. It was also Ethan's and he was anything but. Jenna had come down from Scotland and he was a delighted and attentive boyfriend. Together they looked like they'd stepped off the cover of a magazine. Kayleigh mused that they were two people unlikely to ever grace the pages of HeartSearchers.com. They didn't need to search for love. Love found them. Love always found people like them. It couldn't find her if she wore a high vis jacket and stood under a flashing neon sign. John hadn't shown up. As she stood amongst the crowd in the Poachers Arms, holding her glass of Prosecco with a fake smile on her face, she'd never felt more alone. She heard Jenna's soft lilting Scottish accent next to her, "Excuse me. Kayleigh?" "Yes." "I'm Jenna, Ethan's girlfriend." "It's lovely to meet you Jenna." "Likewise. I hear you're leaving too". "Yep. Off to Preston." "Is your partner going too?" "I'm sorry, my what?" "Eh, your partner? Ethan mentioned that he worked here too...John isn't it?" "I'm sorry you must have..." "It's just that I wanted to say thank you. I'm just sorry he isn't here to say it in person." Kayleigh's curiosity was peaked, "Thank you for what?" "Didn't he tell you? Modesty. That speaks volumes about the man. You probably know that Rob, Ethan's Dad and Barbara's husband, hasn't been well lately. It's been a nightmare for them. It turns out that Rob will need further tests in London but the cost of travelling down there and overnight accommodation was going to be so difficult to manage. Rob's self employed and without his wage and trying to make ends meet on Barbara's salary, it's just been so hard for them. Ethan does what he can but he's in Edinburgh during term time and his brother's still at school. It's been such a struggle. To cut a long story short, John put in a request for financial assistance to the company's benevolent scheme. We just heard that Barbara will get a grant to help with travel and accommodation costs. John also gave Ethan a bonus for his "Outstanding Customer Care". It's a couple of hundred quid. He's over the moon!" Kayleigh was stunned. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you would pass on our thanks? By the way, Ethan says you're such a lovely couple." With that, Jenna wandered off, to rescue Ethan from a throng of female admirers which included Joyce Chung and Diane off Non Foods and leaving Kayleigh to pick her jaw up off the floor. 

The area Manager Alan Campbell presented her with a bouquet of flowers and a cheque for £350. He called her Kylie twice, to barely suppressed laughter. She wanted nothing more than for this night to end. As the music got slower and the crowd got ever more drunk, she ordered a taxi, said her goodnights and left. She'd see them on Monday for her final three days. As she headed off into the night she couldn't help but feel hurt that he couldn't even be bothered to show up. He hadn't even tried to say goodbye. No one knew why he didn't show. Many suspected. Kath Hilton told her he was on a residential course next week. That was it then. She wouldn't see him again. It really was over. It was two days later that she decided to put pen to paper and write him a letter. There were a few things she needed to say and some things he needed to hear.

Dear John,

I'm not really one for letters as a rule. I may be a woman of many words but few of them are ever on a page. I know that probably surprises you, in absolutely no way! Joking aside, I suppose I just felt that there were still some things that I needed to say. You haven’t been around much lately, so I had no one to say them to. I want you to know that I don't hate you. Genuinely, I don't. You were right. I always assume. That's my problem, well one of them at least. I let myself believe that you felt for me, the way I felt for you. It's not your fault that you didn't and that you don't. I can't blame you for that, or at least I shouldn't.

I need you to know that our friendship, for the precious time we had it, meant the world to me. You were one of the very best friends I've ever had. I can't remember a happier time in my life than sharing your car every day. Laughing and singing and putting the world to rights. I'm glad you seem to have overcome your aversion to people singing in your face. Maybe I've shown you it can be fun. If so, then my work here is done. I suppose it is anyway. I'll always cherish those times. I want you to know that I wish you everything you wish for yourself. I hope you find contentment, wherever your journey takes you. I hope you keep gigging with Compendium (you've got to be impressed that I got the name right for a change). You should never give up on your dream. Reach for the stars. Sometimes you'll miss but it doesn't mean it wasn't worth the effort. I'm sorry we never really got to say goodbye. Please take good care of yourself John Redmond. I'll never forget you.

Your buddy,

Kayleigh xx

She wiped the tears from her eyes as she finished and placed the letter in an envelope. She'd leave it in his pigeonhole at work. He'd get it when he returned on Thursday. By then she'd be in Preston and starting a new life.

He'd worn his snazziest shirt, a pair of dark jeans he liked and a splash of Calvin Klein. It may be completely futile but it was worth the effort. She was worth the effort. He was going to be a grown up. Tonight was her leaving do and he was going to talk to her. Properly. He was going to tell her the truth. All of it and then he was going to finally deliver the contents of that parcel. He picked it up, turned it around in his hand, grabbed his car keys and his jacket and set off. Tonight was the night. Tonight would change everything, one way or another. He'd been driving for ten minutes when the phone rang. It was Paul. He'd just had a call, Sophie had fallen at Beavers on Ice. It sounded like she'd broken her arm. She wanted her Uncle John. John pulled over to the side of the road and ran his hand across his forehead. He adored the kids. Sophie was his little Princess. The thought of her in pain and wanting to see him was too much to bear. "Where is she?" he asked. "They've taken her to A&E at the Infirmary. Thing is we're at a Rotary Club dinner. We're half way through a four course meal. The bloody Mayor's on our table and you know I mentioned that tender we're working on...." John put his head back and let out a long breath. "I'm on me way". "Thanks John. You're the best. Listen, tell her Mummy and Daddy love her loads and we'll see her soon. Let us know how you get on. Make sure you phone if they discharge her. We don't want to go there if we don't have to. Parking at the Infirmary's a nightmare and Angela has a thing about hospitals since that in-growing toenail thing. I'll call Nana and tell her she'll have to keep Ben for a bit." "Yeah. Fine." "Thanks again John. Try and get there as quick as you can eh." With that he hung up. No, "Did you have plans tonight"? "Am I inconveniencing you"? "Were you planning on telling someone you loved them and wanted to spend the rest of your days with them"? "Aww, sorry about f'in up your life". He looked at it. Sitting there on the passenger seat, taunting him. There was nothing he could do. He was sure she wouldn't take his calls anyway and this was something he needed to do face to face. He headed to A&E. It was nearly midnight before they finally left. Sophie, in her Elsa costume, her little arm in plaster, weary and tearful in her Uncle John's arms as he sang "Let it go" softly to her and she tried to duet. She was more upset about messing up her routine than breaking her arm, it seemed. After he'd got her booster seat out of the boot and strapped on her seat belt, he'd taken the contents of the parcel from the front passenger seat and placed it in the glove compartment. Best not to think about it now. By the time they got back to Paul's she was asleep. He handed her gently to Angela who took her upstairs to bed. Paul thanked him, asked him how things were with him and before he'd had a chance to answer, told him all about the tender and what it would mean for the company and had John ever thought of joining the Rotary? He hadn't. John said he'd call tomorrow to check on Sophie and left. The leaving do would be over now. There was no sense trying to go to the Poachers Arms at this point. It was done. Over. He'd never see her again. "If it's meant to be, it'll be". It clearly never was. 

She'd left her note in his pigeonhole on Monday. He'd gone to the residential in Leeds. She spent her final two days doing a handover to her replacement, a 22 year old pretty blonde called Kim. Rachel already hated her. She was attracting the attention and approval of many of the staff and customers, admittedly most of them male. She'd have no problem flogging her Dairylee Dunkers. That she happened to be a lovely, fun young woman would also help. Kayleigh liked her and smiled when Kim said how sad she was that she was leaving, as she thought they would have become good friends. She'd finally left on Wednesday to cards, balloons and tears. Promises were made to "keep in touch" amid pleas not to "be a stranger". She'd finished packing up Mandy's Citroen that evening and headed off to Preston for her first night in her new home, sleeping on an air mattress. 

The residential had been a write off. Litchy had spent most of it trying to pick up the hotel receptionist and calling him a "boring bastard" for not playing along. His mind was literally miles away. Counting down the hours until she would be gone. He drove to work on Thursday like a zombie. He collected his mail from his pigeonhole and went to his office. He received an email from Alan Campbell. Head office liked his ideas for Christmas. He wanted to meet him at 2pm. He had some great news. He started to open his mail but was distracted by the arrival of Joyce Chung in a right flap. From what he could gather the words Elsie, Rachel and a right hook sounded ominous. It proved to be just that. They'd had an altercation when Rachel remarked on Elsie "tasting" the new smoked salmon quiche. Rachel was now wearing several quiches and an ice pack over her right eye. Elsie was missing several hair extensions and had scratches on her face that looked like she'd been tackled by a feral cat. There was some debate about who struck who first. Although that Elsie had called Rachel a "Two bit, arse kissing whore", was not in dispute. Both women were sent home pending an investigation. By the time he'd calmed everyone down, written an incident report and re-staffed the deli counter, it was lunch time. He'd also become one of the very few male members of staff to be disappointed by the sight of Kim. He was now on the list with Nick in electricals. Nick had been hoping for another Ethan. John had been hoping for a change of mind that never came. Alan Campbell gave him the news that he was in line for promotion. It would most likely mean a change of store but it was a great opportunity for him. It all felt strangely flat. A promotion in a career he never really wanted and the one person he wanted to celebrate it with, was gone. It was almost 5pm by the time he got round to opening his mail. That's when he noticed the handwritten envelope. He opened it, unfolded the letter and read it's contents. By the end the tears had rolled off his cheeks and splashed on the paper. He sat for a moment, trying to order his thoughts into some kind of coherent action. Finally, it all came together in his mind and a truce was called in the seemingly never ending war between his heart and his head. He knew what he needed to do and he was damn well going to do it. He dried his eyes, grabbed his car keys and left. He checked the glove compartment of his car and before he knew it, he was en route to Bury and he wasn't going to stop. 

Steve was in his usual location, tinkering with his ever uncooperative bike. The sight of the familiar red car pulling up along side him caused him to do a double take. John was out of the car like a man possessed. Before Steve could ask him what he was doing there, or give him a bollocking for ruining Kayleigh's life, or seek his advice on the compressor...he said, "Where is she Steve?" "I'm not sure she'd want you to know mate". John looked up at the window of the box room. The lamp was gone. He couldn't dwell on that now, he had more important matters on his mind. "I know that and I understand why you might not want to tell me but listen. I need to see her...I love her Steve. She's every bloody thing in the world to me and I need to tell her that and if she tells me where to go then fair dos. I've tried. I need to try, just once in my soddin life, I need to try. Please, help me mate. Tell me where she is". Before Steve could reply, Mandy's Citroen pulled up. She jumped out immediately. "Oh, now I don't believe THIS!" Steve tried to calm her down, ""Mandy listen..." "Don't you Mandy me! What the hell is he doing here!?" "I know we've only met in passing and you don't know me but..." "Oh believe me, I know enough sunshine! I know more than enough. I know everything I need to know! You broke my sister's heart. You drove her from her job and from my home and you have the gall to show up here?! You can piss right off! Go on, get lost! NOW!" John stood his ground for a few seconds and looked at Steve. "Mandy give us a minute please". "You what!?" "Just go inside. You're making a spectacle for the neighbours". "Stuff the f'in neighbours!" "Go inside Mandy. The kids are home. Don't let them see you shoutin the odds in the street." She considered this for a moment. Looked daggers at John, called him a "Selfish, heartless bastard" then went inside. Steve looked at John who appeared well and truly crushed. After a moment he said, "The Kitson's make tough women. Are you sure you're ready for that?" John looked up and saw the smile growing on Steve's face. "I'm ready", he replied. "Well, if you've the balls to stand there and take Mandy in full flow, I think you've got what it takes." Steve reached into his pocket and took out a small notebook. He reached behind his ear for a pencil, then scribbled down an address and handed it to him. "Good luck mate. You’re gonna need it". "Thanks. I won't forget this". As he headed to the car John turned, "Maybe put in a good word for me if you get a chance?" "Listen. You make Kayleigh happy. You won't need me to give you a reference." John smiled, got in the car, set the sat nav for the address in Preston and was off. Steve watched him go with a smile. He momentarily contemplated talking to Mandy, then said aloud, "Nah. I'll leave it for a bit."

John turned on Forever FM for the first time in weeks as he headed up the motorway to the strains of John Parr's "Man in Motion". He was soon singing along. This wasn't going to be easy but it would be worth it. If nothing else she'd know how he felt. She deserved that. The sat nav took him on a detour as soon as he arrived in Preston. Nothing new there. "I don't think you've got a clue where you're goin love. You and me both eh? Now, this can't be right. I've been down here three times already. Jesus wept. You’re off your tits! I'm gonna stop and ask someone. Bloody piece of shit!" Finally, he arrived. Number 121, Evergreen Road. A little terraced house. He reached into the glove box, took out his precious cargo, held it in his hand for a moment, then got out of the car. It was two or three steps at most to the front door but it felt like the journey of a lifetime. He rang the doorbell. Beyonce's "Single Ladies" rang out. She must have kept that from the old house he thought. He heard her voice down the hall, "Just a second, I'm on me way!" He loved that voice. When the door opened, she was standing there in a pair of denim dungarees with one strap undone and a long sleeved white t-shirt underneath. She had a paint brush in her hand and the dungarees were splattered with white paint. Some of it was on her cheek. Her hair was tied up haphazardly in a bun with pieces falling out around the side of her face and down her neck. She looked slightly flushed...and she'd never looked more beautiful to him. 

For a few seconds she stood there. Her mouth open slightly. Just looking at him. Then she regained her composure. "John!" "Yeah. It's me." "What are you doing here?!" “I don’t suppose you’d believe me if I said I was just passing?” “Not really,” she replied. "I didn’t think so. I was hoping I could talk to you." "Now? You want to talk to me, now? It's not exactly a great time." She looked down at her attire. "You've been painting". "Nah. I was heading out for a date." His face fell. "Really!?..oh I'm sorry...if this is a bad time.." "Don't be daft! I was being sarcastic. What kind of date would I be goin on dressed like this!" "Paintballing". He smiled. She laughed, despite herself. She contemplated him for a moment. He looked tired, as tired as she felt and more than a little terrified. With a sigh, she relented. "Well, I suppose you best come in then. I was about to make a brew. Might as well make two." "Thanks...I thought you'd never ask". "I didn't. So, I'm guessing Steve" "Steve?" "How you got my address" "Yeah. Don't be angry with him." "I'm not. I don't have to be. Our Mandy'll kill him" "Well I'm hoping he won't have died in vain then". Kayleigh went into the kitchen to put the kettle on and lay out the mugs. John looked around the little living room. Small but cute. Like Kayleigh. He liked what she'd done to it already. He looked through to the kitchen, her back was to him, at the sink. There were pretty pink flowers on the windowsill..and then he saw it, the heart lamp. She hadn't thrown it away. She couldn't bring herself to bin it. "I'm hoping the smell of the paint won't kill off me plants. It's already knocking me out and I've got every window in the house open. Then again, maybe that's not such a good idea. The cold probably won't agree with them either. I've always loved flowers but I don't think I'm very green fingered. My Mum is though." This was Kayleigh. She was nervous and desperately trying to fill the silence, so he seized the moment, "I got your letter"....it stopped her cold. "I got your letter Kayleigh" he repeated. She closed her eyes for a moment at the sound of him saying her name once again. She turned to face him and sighed. "I really wanted it to end John. The anger. I wanted it to end. I want it to end. I'm exhausted." "Me too." "I just want us both to move on...ya know?" "What if I don't?" "What?" "What if I don't want to move on? What if I want to go back....Go back to before you left my car. Go back and say what I wanted to say. What I should have said".

Kayleigh reached behind her and grabbed the edge of the sink. She was sure her legs were going to give way. He was on a roll and he wasn't going to stop. "I want you to know that I'm sorry. More than I've ever been in my whole life. I was a coward. The thing is, you terrify me." "I terrify you!?" "Yeah. I'm Kayleigh phobic." "Don't make a joke of this John". "I'm sorry. That's what I do. I avoid things. I play them off. I deflect. Not because they don't matter but because they do. You do. You matter to me more than anything. I was so scared of losing you...and then I did. You've no idea how many times I've replayed that bloody conversation, wishing I hadn't been such a dickhead. Wishing I'd just been honest and said what I meant." "What did you mean?" "I sent a text to Forever FM....but you missed it...Nobody puts Kayleigh in the corner". Her eyes went wide as the significance of those words began to dawn. "Yeah. You got out of the car just before they read it out. They played "Kayleigh"....by Marillion, 1985.... I loved that song....can't listen to it now". "John..." "What I should have said was that I love you Kayleigh Kitson. I did then, I do now and I always will. You make me happier than I ever imagined it was possible to be and being without you, these past few weeks, has been a living hell. I know you've got this new job and this new house and this new life but....do you think you could find a place in it for me?... I can't face being without you. Waking up every day and knowing you're not there." There were tears in both their eyes now. She looked down at his right hand. "What's that?" "It's what was in the parcel me Nana was waiting in for. It was for you...it is for you...it's yours...from me.." Nervously, he passed over to her, a white box. She took it, looked at it and slowly opened it. With a sharp intake of breath, she reached out and touched a simple gold disk on a gold chain. There, etched on the front were the words..."Pure and Simple" in beautiful calligraphy. She looked up at him, "Turn it over" he whispered. On the back it read "I'll be there for you" and beneath it a J and K were entwined with a date below it. "It's the date of our first car share together...do you like it?...if you don't I can..." before he finished speaking she let out a sob, then covered her mouth. "Do you hate it?" She shook her head. "Do you like it?" She nodded. "I love it" she finally managed to say. "I really wanted to hate you, ya know? I did. It would've been so much easier to hate you but I can't and I don't and I never will....I love you John Redmond..God help me but I still do and I will do for the rest of my life." With that she put her necklace down on the kitchen counter, reached over to him, grabbed the lapels of his suit jacket, drew him to her and kissed him. At first he was wide eyed and stunned, then blissful happiness and long simmering passion overwhelmed him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and returned her kiss. Filling it with all the love and desire he felt for her. Without realising it they were soon so caught up in the moment that his suit jacket and tie were on the floor and they were heading backwards into the living room. As Kayleigh began to make light work of his shirt buttons and he fiddled hopelessly with the catch on her dungarees, there was a sudden thud, which prompted their temporary separation, followed by a curse emitting from John's previously happily occupied lips. "Oh John! Look! You've stood in me emulsion!" He looked down to see his right foot and lower trouser leg, coated in white paint. "Aw BUGGER!" She tried to stifle a giggle....then he looked up at her, smiled his very best cheeky smile and waggled his eyebrows..."You'll just have to help me get out of me trousers then...won't you" she laughed and so did he, then she threw her arms around him and they hugged each other tightly before he lifted her up spun her round then carried her across the room.

He pulled a sickie on Friday. If she could play him like a banjo fully clothed, then naked, except for her new necklace, she could play him like a Stradivarius. She jokingly thanked him for helping her test the springs out on her new bed, so enjoyably. He whispered, "I try...and if you give me time to catch me breath, I'll happily try again.." Later, he'd told her about Sophie and her broken arm. She said she couldn't wait to meet her and would get her something to cheer her up. She talked to him about what Jenna had said at her leaving do and told him it made her love him even more and she didn't think that was possible. The springs got another stress test....Eventually they ventured down stairs for something to eat. She made him a brew and a bacon butty, then they decided to head back to his place to grab a change of clothes and some essentials for the rest of the weekend. They'd laughed, sang along to Forever FM and held hands like a couple of teenagers, on the journey back to Manchester. She admired his house, dashing from room to room before bouncing on his bed and offering to return his earlier favours...."Bloody hell woman you're insatiable", he laughed. "You're addictive", she giggled. He stopped at Big Bobs Munch Box and they had a couple of Fat Boys, before going to see his Nana. Armed with a Dairy Box, Kayleigh was an instant hit. Nana loved Corrie and the two women bonded over the latest gossip. It delighted John. As they left, Nana thanked him for the Dairy Box, which left him speechless, told him she was proud of him and his new promotion and kissed both John and Kayleigh on the cheek before whispering to John, "She's a lovely lass". John whispered back "I know". "What was that?!" Kayleigh called from the pathway. "Never you mind!" he replied and winked at his Nana. They set off back to Preston and spent the rest of the weekend together making up for lost time. He had a long commute to the store on Monday morning but he couldn't care less. It was worth every minute. Leaving her that morning had been agony but he knew he'd see her later and that was bliss. She was getting her new company car and she couldn't wait to show it off to him. They'd called each other at least a dozen times and texted almost as much with several being little more than, a series of affectionate emojis. He was happier than he'd ever been when they sat together that night eating a Spag Bol they'd prepared together. She was telling him about her day and what she'd be doing and her training and he was simply delighting in watching her. He was so proud of her. He loved her so very much. He knew in that simple moment exactly what he wanted. When she finished speaking he said, "Will you promise me something?" "Yeah...what?" "Will you promise me we won't have "Runaway" as our first dance?" A slow smile grew on her lips as she realised what he was saying, "Are you asking me to marry you John Redmond?" "You haven't promised me yet" "You haven't answered me yet". He laughed and so did she. Then he got up from his chair, got down on one knee and took her hand..."Kayleigh Kitson, I once told you I wasn't looking for love, or for someone to spend the rest of me life with and I really wasn't. That was true. Somehow though, when I wasn't looking, I found it. I found you and I never want to lose you ever again. Will you make me an even happier man than I am right now and marry me....subject to an agreement on our first dance...?" Her face lit up with joy and her eyes filled with tears as she answered with absolute conviction, "Yes. Yes I will." After they'd kissed he said, "I've not got you a ring yet but we'll do it at the weekend. It'll give you a chance to Google and find something you like...within reason...I may be about to become a Store Manager but I'm really not Lord Sugar." "Oh Sugar shumugger...your mine....and I love ya!" As she ran to grab the phone he asked, "Where are you off to!?" "We're engaged John! I've got to tell me Mum and Dad and Kelly and Kieron and Mandy!" With that she disappeared into the hall...only to pop her head round the door again..."Don't worry...I'm not running away". She smiled, winked and disappeared again. He could hear her giggling as she went....resistance really was futile...


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to remember the past and celebrate the future.

The next few days had been a whirlwind of introductions, explanations, apologies and eventual celebrations. Kelly had screamed down the telephone with delight and insisted immediately on logging on to Skype in order to "meet" John. Kieron had received the news via FaceTime from Cyprus and while he was initially, understandably cautious about the sudden turn of events, particularly as he'd never met John, he could see that his sister was incredibly happy and after a few private chats with him, Kieron was reassured that Kayleigh had indeed finally found a decent bloke to share her life with. John was more than a bit relieved to receive his approval. Even on screen Kieran looked like he could probably kill him with his index finger. Mandy took a little more convincing but it wasn't long before she too began to realise that John was an honourable man, whose past mistakes were born of fear and not malice and that he and her sister were truly, a match made in heaven. Mandy was genuinely touched when John, insisted on returning the £140 to their holiday fund. Pointing out that he wouldn't take money "from family". Kayleigh's Mum Sal and Dad Tommy were, thankfully, a much easier proposition. As was John's Mum Evelyn, who was thrilled to see her son so happy. Kayleigh's parents liked John immediately. Her Dad in particular, shared a similar nature and a wry sense of humour. They were soon setting the world to rights, as John helped him clean out their guttering. Meanwhile their Mum's had bonded over Zumba and Sh'Bam and became regular lunch and shopping companions. Eventually even Misty approved of the latest addition to the family. After some initial suspicion, when she arrived in Preston to discover this interloper in her midst, the little mongrel began to feel comfortable with John and greeted him with enthusiasm when he arrived at the door. He'd joked with Kayleigh that he might even grow to like "Dogging". She'd looked up from her wedding magazine, "Yeah, you're funny". He chuckled, "I am aren't I? Tell your mates. I'm playing here all week". "You'll be playin with yourself if you're not careful!" "Ooh I see what you did there!" "Hmm, I'll bet you did". They were soon giggling like kids. 

He'd decided to make an extra special day of it when he'd taken her to Manchester to buy her engagement ring. They would stay overnight at the Lowry Hotel with a Spa visit for Kayleigh and an evening meal with champagne for them both. He didn't usually drink alcohol but he'd make an exception this time. He bought her an emerald cut diamond, set in a platinum and diamond band. She'd lingered around the cheaper rings until he'd called her over and pointed out the one he'd secretly seen her admiring on her iPad. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw it. "It's too expensive John". "Nah. It's just right. Besides, some things are worth it." He attracted the attention of the shop assistant, "My fiancée and I would like to see that one please". He smiled and winked at Kayleigh. He loved calling her his fiancée and he knew she liked hearing it. It was perfect on her finger. She'd decided to get a manicure especially for their shopping trip and it added to the effect. They'd also decided to buy their wedding rings. They all needed to be sized to fit and their wedding rings were also to be engraved on the inside with their initials and the date of their wedding. After some debate about the relative merits of a summer verses a winter wedding, they'd decided on New Year's Eve. The idea of celebrating the New Year by starting a new life, appealed to them both. Besides, Kayleigh liked the thought that the Christmas Lights would still be up and that from now on, her favourite time of the year would be even more special. Throw in that Kelly, along with her Auntie Pat and Uncle Bob, would be returning from Australia for a visit and that Kieron would be home on leave and the decision was well and truly made. Neither of them favoured a long engagement. They both knew with absolute certainty, that they wanted to make the commitment and saw any unnecessary delay, as futile. So the clock was now ticking down, to the Redmond/Kitson nuptials. 

The six months leading up to the big day were hectic, to say the least. Although Kayleigh had been mentally planning her wedding for years, the reality brought with it unforeseen obstacles to navigate. The first being that John's Mum wanted a church wedding. While John no longer practiced his religion, he was baptised and raised in the church and for his Mother, it constituted what she believed to be, a "proper" wedding. Kayleigh on the other hand thought religion was a "load of hoopty" and wanted a civil ceremony at their wedding venue, a beautiful boutique hotel in the countryside not too far from Manchester. For a time it seemed that neither side would back down and John felt the pressure of being caught between the two women. A compromise was finally reached after Kayleigh agreed that their wedding rings would be blessed and that, for now, she wouldn't completely rule out the possibility of Christening any children they might have. Peace was restored in the Kingdom. It was a compromise agreement worthy of a UN Special Envoy and a Nobel Prize. 

John was also on the move. A vacancy for a Store Manager had come up in Burnley and with a reasonably short commute from Preston, it was ideal. The current arrangement was a strain on them both, with John volunteering to take the lion share of the burden by staying with Kayleigh in Preston most nights. It meant he'd lost his parking space, as he could no longer reliably Car Share with a colleague. Instead he now used a park and ride. He was awake at dawn and knackered by the time he got home. His contribution to wedding planning had so far consisted of, "Hm..what? Oh yeah, that sounds nice. You have what you want love" before falling asleep. That she'd just jokingly asked him if they should hire a couple of elephants, had completely passed him by. Once his house was sold, he would move up permanently. This led them both to decide to buy a house in Preston. Kayleigh had an initial six month tenancy on her terraced house, which would expire not long before the wedding and with both of them now increasing their salaries and John selling his house, which gave them a healthy deposit, the time felt right. John had mused that they were literally doing every stressful thing it was humanly possible to do, all at once and that at this rate they might just keel over before they made it up the aisle, "We'll die happy then!" was Kayleigh's view. Four months into their engagement they bought a new build semi in a quiet suburban development. They had moved in just in time for John to start his new job in Burnley. 

The staff were genuinely sad to see him leave but were happy that everything had worked out in the end for him and Kayleigh. They threw a huge leaving/engagement party for John, insisting that Kayleigh invite her new colleagues in Preston to the celebrations. Amid much back slapping and congratulations, Dave Thompson had sheepishly apologised for the "lipstick on a pig" comment and Litchy had telephoned to call him a "Sly old bugger and lament that he wished he'd stuck 50 quid on it". The only reluctant celebrant was Stink Ray. He still hadn't forgiven them for conning him out of a lift that day. It took Elsie with her cutthroat diplomacy to resolve the matter in the staff room, "Are you kiddin! I wouldn't let you near any motor a' mine! You stink like a North Sea trawler! It's about time somebody told you to get a bloody bath Captain Birdseye!" The room descended into an awkward silence. Then a male voice piped up, "You've gone nose blind mate!" leading to an outbreak of sniggering. Ray sniffed his sweater. If he was stunned by the revelation and his pride had been offended, he had to admit it did explain a lot and Elsie's directness, wasn't entirely unappealing to him. By the evening of the party, it appeared to have had the desired effect. Ray wasn't exactly fragrant but as Elsie put it, he now smelt less like a trawler and now merely, "Whiffed like a two day old prawn soaked in Paco Rabanne". On the night, the gang from Fresh Face and John's colleagues from the Store, mingled well and before long the dance floor was full and the booze was flowing. A huge banner read  
"❤️Congratulations John & Kayleigh ❤️"  
Heart shaped helium balloons filled the room along with huge illuminated letters spelling out "LOVE". John had relished hitting the dance floor with Kayleigh as soon as Gloria Gaynor's, "I am what I am" came on, to laughter from them both. There was much ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the engagement ring. Alan Campbell had joked to John that they obviously paid him too much. Rachel couldn't resist snarking that her own preference would be for something more "subtle". Big Diane had seized her moment, "Let's see your diamond then Rachel". Sufficiently embarrassed, she'd promptly sloped off. "Jealousy's an ugly emotion", Joyce had pronounced sagely...before draining the remnants of her G&T through a straw with a loud gurgle. Kayleigh had forgotten how much fun her old colleagues could be. As the party drew to a close, the dance floor filled with couples smooching and swaying to Phil Collins cover of "Groovy Kind of Love". The sight of five foot two Joyce hanging off the neck of her six foot two Sumo wrestler husband, was one that would live long in the memory. John and Kayleigh had a cheeky snog but were soon spotted and a loud cheer went up, prompting John to bow and Kayleigh to curtsey to their audience. As the song came to an end, John nudged Kayleigh to look at one couple in particular, "Bloody Hell!" he whispered "There isn't enough mental Harpic for that one". Stink Ray and Elsie were getting up close and personal. It looked like Ray was on for a much needed bath and a half share in a Pot Noodle, before the night was out. Kayleigh giggled, "Maybe time we said our good nights eh?" "You always have the best ideas", he replied. They'd left to hugs, handshakes and kisses and were soon covered in confetti and streamers. 

The next time they all met up, it was the wedding day. It had dawned crisp and bright. The low winter sun casting a warm glow on the frosty landscape as Kayleigh looked out from the hotel window. It was perfect. They'd lucked out in getting the venue, thanks to a cancellation. While Kayleigh had initially felt uncomfortable that they were benefitting from someone else's misfortune, John eventually persuaded her that it was simply serendipity. Her parents, her Matron of Honour Mandy, Maid of Honour Kelly and bridesmaids Chloe and Sophie, had joined her for her last night as a single woman. As her breakfast was delivered complete with a glass of Buck's Fizz, her Mum, Kelly and Mandy all appeared in the doorway, giving a hearty rendition of "She's getting married in the morning". Soon her room was a hive of activity, with her hairdresser Sue and her assistant Jordan and make-up artists Emma and Jo, new colleagues and friends from Fresh Face, busy getting everyone ready. Much of the conversation centred on the Hen Weekend and Kayleigh's determination to bring home her fully inflated male blow up doll, from Benidorm and the look on John's face when he'd picked her up from the airport to find her clutching it and wearing a sombrero. For some reason known only to Kayleigh she'd called him Ted 3, which she found hilarious and which her hens found mystifying. Much of the weekend was a blur but she did recall mucho tequila, a foam party, a Drag Queen, a stripper called "Magic Miguel", thinking that it was a good idea to attempt a rendition of Madonna's "Like a Virgin" in the middle of the street and waking up on a sun lounger at 6am. John also retained a voicemail she'd left for him on her last night, which informed him that she was "Fluffy Drunk" and that she would very much like to have "sexy time" with him. Before calling him her "Snuggle Bunny" and then informing him that she was going to be sick. She then promptly burst into tears because he wasn't there to hold her hair back. John's Stag had also not been without incident. Kayleigh had issued warnings that he was to come back in one piece...or else! They'd gone for an "experience day" karting, laser combat and pool. Kieron then led the troops which included Jim, Steve, Paul and Litchy, on an epic pub crawl. While John wasn't much of a drinker, his future brother in law had insisted on him partaking in a "Cheeky Vimto", or two, or three. He’d lost count after that and consciousness soon afterwards. He'd woken up the following morning in Mandy's flower bed, holding a traffic cone, with a g-string on his head. Steve was asleep beside his bike, under the gazebo. Mandy had woken them both by pouring the contents of a watering can on their heads... after gathering some photographic evidence, of course. She later remarked to Kayleigh, "If it wasn't for Global Warming he'd have frozen his bits off. What use would he have been to you then!?" Recounting her observation to John, he replied, "Well, now there's an argument for climate change you don't often hear". By comparison, tonight's celebrations would be much more sedate. 

John, his Mum, his Nana, his brother and best man Paul, his sister in law Angela, his groomsmen, Jim, Steve and Kieron and the two pageboys Ben and a very reluctant Alfie, stayed overnight at another hotel nearby. Alfie had been in a strop since the prospect of being a pageboy had first surfaced, six months before. If they'd hoped he'd settle into the idea, it hadn't worked. Lately he'd become belligerent to the point of rudeness. Something had to give. To Mandy's surprise and delight Steve had dusted off his parenting skills with their ever impossible son. He'd taken him aside, told him he was upsetting his Auntie Kayleigh and Uncle John with his behaviour and that he was seriously disappointing both him and his Mum. He thought he was raising a man, not a spoilt kid. John and Kayleigh had bought gifts for their bridesmaids and pages and if he persisted, he'd make sure he didn't get his. It would go to a kid who deserved it. Alfie was sufficiently chastised. He promptly apologised to John, who bought him a coke and said, "At least you're not wearing a sailor suit. I spared you that one buddy." Alfie smiled. Progress. Steve then called Kayleigh so that Alfie could apologise to her. Kayleigh accepted his apology and told him all would be forgiven if he promised her a dance at the reception. She'd even let him pick the song.

Kayleigh's natural superstition had extended to maintaining the tradition that it's "bad luck" to see the groom the night before the wedding. He'd called her just before she went to sleep though, to tell her how much he loved her and couldn't wait to be her husband. He also loved the watch she'd bought him as a wedding present. He had a surprise for her tomorrow. When she tried to get a clue he exclaimed, "You can't get round me that easily lady! Just wait and see.” She couldn't wait to be his wife. It wouldn't be long until they headed off on their Honeymoon. Two weeks, all inclusive in Barbados. John's choice. She'd simply asked for "somewhere laid back and sunny". He'd toyed with the idea of a cruise but ruled it out due to Kayleigh's aquaphobia and his own qualms about the Norovirus. He'd arrived home with a cry of "Booked it!" then flashed the brochure. Kayleigh had squealed with delight and rewarded him with a little "honeymoon rehearsal". They'd soon be lying on a beach sipping cocktails, or in John's case mocktails, as husband and wife. Their special day was finally here.

As the groom and his entourage began to arrive downstairs, Chloe and Sophie twirled in their pretty bridesmaids dresses. Mandy and Kelly meanwhile, put the finishing touches to their look, midnight blue, full length gowns, as Kayleigh slipped into the wedding dress she'd spent so long dreaming of. It was lace and silk, with a tight, hidden bodice, three quarter length sleeves and a full skirt. It was finished off with a full length veil. Her something blue was a garter from Kelly, her something borrowed were diamond and pearl earrings from her Mum. Her something old was a broach that belonged to John's Nana, Rose and one from her own late Nana, which were in her bouquet. Mandy handed her, her something new. It had arrived that morning from John. His surprise. A beautiful, simple diamond tennis bracelet. Stopping the tears was going to be impossible today, it seemed.

Chloe and Sophie clapped and cheered as Kayleigh's Mum Sal, John's Mum Evelyn, who couldn't resist a peak and a good luck kiss, Mandy and Kelly, all tried not to cry and ruin their make up, when Kayleigh emerged from her room. Kelly handed her her bouquet and with a kiss from her Mum and her bridesmaids, Mandy placed the veil over her sister's face and she made her way towards her Dad who was waiting for her at the top of the stairs. He too was emotional when he saw her. They had a final, quiet moment, when he told her he was so proud of her, that she looked like a Princess and that John was the luckiest man in the world. With both their Mum's now seated downstairs with the guests, the sound of the string quartet playing Paschelbel's Canon in D, was her cue and she wasn't going to miss it. John's Mum had mouthed "She looks beautiful" to her nervous son. He'd been pacing like a caged animal and must have asked his brother twenty times, if he had the rings. On the last occasion Paul had feigned panic but the look of anxiety on his brother's face was such that he feared he might just have a heart attack, so he caved and produced them for inspection yet again. "For God sake calm down man! You're gonna pass out at this rate". "I know. I just want it to be right". "It won't be if you're in A&E". The moment he saw his bride though, he became totally calm. She had that effect on him. He felt completely at peace with the world. She really was the thing that completed him. Everything felt wrong without her and with her, it was perfect. She was the most beautiful vision he'd ever beheld and her smile lit up the room. He knew he was grinning like an idiot but he didn't care. He couldn't take his eyes off her. When she reached his side she'd said, "Hello handsome. Fancy seeing you here." He'd smiled and whispered back, "Hello beautiful. I wouldn't miss it for the world". They exchanged their vows in front of their family and friends. Every one of whom felt certain that this was one marriage that was definitely for keeps. There was a chorus of clapping and cheering as they were pronounced husband and wife and the new Mr & Mrs John Redmond, sealed the deal with a kiss. After signing the register and posing for photographs with their bridal party, the bride and groom walked down the aisle to Beethoven's Ode to Joy. As congratulations flowed and the guests mingled and enjoyed champagne and canapés to the strains of the string quartet playing an assortment of classical and modern pieces, including John noted, an instrumental version of "Runaway", the newlyweds and their families continued their photo session. Finally, the formalities completed, the guests were seated for the reception. Having abandoned her veil Kayleigh and John let it be known that it was now party time! The Master of ceremonies announced them and they entered hand in hand to the sound of The Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started". So began the party of their lives. 

After a four course slap up meal, "This definitely wacks a Fat Boy!" as John rightly observed, mid profiterole, the speeches began. Paul had the guests in stitches recalling their childhood exploits, with subtle references to John's previous dating disasters. He kept it...mostly clean, complimented Kayleigh, thanked the bridesmaids and pages, gave them their gifts from the bride and groom and received a huge cheer as he toasted the happy couple and resumed his seat. Mandy and Kelly were delighted with their necklaces with a heart shaped pendant engraved with the date and Chloe and Sophie loved their little charm bracelets with a heart charm, their initial and a little bride and groom. Ben and Alfie's eyes lit up when they were given wireless headphones and promptly disappeared to hook them up to their phones. Kayleigh's Dad then said a few words, speaking lovingly about Kayleigh and welcoming John to the family. John's Mum spoke briefly but movingly about her son and the happiness Kayleigh had brought to his life. Everyone was in tears as she told her son how proud his father would be of him. John thanked his Mum and kissed her. He then gave his own speech. Beginning with the customary "My wife and I" which elicited yet more cheering. He thanked Kath Hilton for initiating the Car Share scheme, that brought Kayleigh Kitson, “sorry, Kayleigh Redmond", into his life. He spoke of the joy he had found in her and of his own amazement that she loved him and that he was now a married man. He and Kayleigh then gave a gift of necklaces with pearl drop pendants to their respective mothers in law. John's gift card thanking Sal for raising the love of his life and Kayleigh's thanking Evelyn for raising the man of her dreams. John then proposed a toast to his wife Kayleigh Redmond and another to their Mums. Kayleigh stood briefly to say a few words to her Dad and give him his gift, a silver tankard engraved with "Father of the Bride" and the date of the wedding. John also gave him a voucher from the Shed Surgery. He'd long held the dream of a little sanctuary at the bottom of the garden. Kayleigh then thanked everyone and hoped that after they cut the cake, they would stay and party in the New Year with them. They didn't need to be asked twice.

Cake cutting done and yet more photos taken, they were finally ready to dance the night away. John was anticipating the Corrs as he led Kayleigh out for their first dance. He honestly didn't mind...if it was what she wanted, he could live with it. Instead, the glorious voice of Gladys Knight filled the room singing, "You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me". Kayleigh whispered, "Listen to the words John". She sang along as she rested her head on his shoulder. John could feel himself tearing up and did his best to keep it together. "It's just perfect, isn't it?" she said as she kissed him. "Yeah. It really is", he replied as he held her tighter. They were joined on the dance floor by Kayleigh's Mum and Dad and John's Mum and Paul, as Eric Clapton sang "Wonderful Tonight". John then danced with his Mum and Kayleigh with her Dad, to The Commodores "Three Times A Lady". The DJ then announced that it was time to pick up the pace and really get this party started as Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" came belting through the speakers. By now the dance floor was rammed with family, friends and colleagues who'd joined them for the "evening do". John had lifted Kayleigh up and was spinning her around as they yelled out "Whaaa Hooo!" at the appropriate moment. By the time they were midway through a Bee Gees Medley, John's jacket and tie had been discarded and Kayleigh was in a pair of flat glittery ballet pumps she'd bought for her and her bridesmaids, expressly for dancing. They tore it up through a Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 Medley, "Red Light Spells Danger" and "Uptown Funk", before the need for hydration drove them off the floor. A fish and chip van arrived not long after 9pm and along with a chocolate fountain, retro sweets and a candy floss machine, young and old were well and truly catered for. Van Morrisons "Brown Eyed Girl" got them back on the floor and Kayleigh got her dance with Alfie to Pharrell Williams, "Happy". Rob Vegas singing "Ho Hey (You're My Sweetheart)" got everyone singing along as did "Sweet Caroline". The Kitsons, the Prices and the Redmonds all got up to Sister Sledge's "We are Family" and one of the moments of the night came when John and his Mum danced to Eddie Cochrane's "Three Steps to Heaven", the significance known only to them and to Paul, Kayleigh and Angela. Then to everyone's delight John and Jim aka "Compendium" took to the stage. John dedicated "In The City" to Kayleigh and she joined them on stage in a pink Stetson and clutching a tambourine, for "Cotton Eye Joe". Line dancing with gusto, were Joyce Chung, Big Diane, Kath Hilton and Elsie, fresh from being issued with what she was told in no uncertain terms, was absolutely her final written warning. In a treat for his niece, Sophie finally got to finish her performance of "Let it Go", to a huge cheer. Then, in a moment John knew nothing about, Kayleigh's Dad Tommy, Jim, Steve, Kieron and Paul all took to the stage to sing Danny Boy. It had always been John's Dad's favourite song. The guests joined in too. As they finished and Tommy toasted 'To Absent Friends", any hope of preventing the tears from falling, was gone. Kayleigh hugged John and Evelyn, as the DJ announced that midnight was fast approaching. 

As the clock struck 12, balloons fell from the ceiling, party poppers, champagne corks and steamers exploded in a mass of colour and delighted cheers. In a sea of hugs and kisses, John and Kayleigh wished each other a "Happy New Year", the first one of their married lives. Old Langs Syne then gave way to Prince and "1999". As John and Kayleigh danced, he spotted his Mum chatting with Bernard from her bowling club. He'd just kissed his Mum's hand, John was stunned, "Ey! Did you just see that! That's not right...that's out of order that is!" Kayleigh reached up and put her hands on either side of John's cheeks, forcing him to look at her and said, "Let her be. Let her be happy. Time's not a good thing to waste John". He knew she was right but he still couldn't resisted keeping and eye on the pair when Kayleigh wasn't looking. As Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" played in the background, Kayleigh threw her bouquet into the crowd. Or rather, a replica of it. She had plans for the original. As Kelly, Emma, and Jo lined up with Kieran's girlfriend Gemma, Elsie mounted a charge-down that the British and Irish Lions would have been proud of and which left her face down on the floor and holding the bouquet in the air before declaring, "Gotcha! Ya frigger!" As the other women were knocked sideways like skittles, Elsie was surrounded by guests with gaping mouths. "Bloody Hellfire" John exclaimed. "Jeeesus!" laughed Steve, as Ben and Alfie were bent double with hysteria and a stunned Kayleigh muttered, "Frigadig" while surveying the scene and checking for any walking wounded. Fortunately they'd only been winded by the encounter. The evening was coming to an end. Hearsay's "Pure and Simple" and Kayleigh's favourite song, Take That's, "Never Forget" got everyone back on the floor. Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, "I've had the Time of My Life", resulted in the now customary sight of intoxicated blokes, trying desperately to hoist aloft equally intoxicated women, with varying degrees of success. Steve's cry of "Aw, Christ Mand! I think I've done a bloody disc!" summed it up perfectly. After attempting a lift, which left Kayleigh shrieking halfway over his shoulder and his hands in places he'd rather keep in the confines of the bedroom, John had settled for simply spinning her around. Even that was somewhat ill-advised, after a full night of food, Champagne and Prosecco. Sinatra's version of "New York, New York" finished off the celebrations with a rousing sing a long. It was almost 3 am and time to call it a night, or rather morning. John and Kayleigh wished their remaining guests goodnight as they headed up to the Wedding Suite. Thanking their lucky stars that their flight wasn't until 6pm the next day, they had breakfast in bed to look forward to and a 1pm late check out. John had carried Kayleigh over the threshold of their room to their mutual laughter. The bed was decorated with rose petals and a bottle of champagne was on ice. They contemplated the scene for a few seconds then both collapsed on the bed. They were exhausted. Although, John did manage to find some not inconsiderable energy from somewhere when he saw what Kayleigh had on underneath that dress. That late check out really was a blessing....

They finally joined their family members the following morning just before midday, in time for a light lunch and for Kayleigh to ensure that their wedding attire and bits and pieces were safely packed into Mandy's Citroen. Also, for John to put their honeymoon luggage into his car for the journey to the airport. That was, after he took in the state of the little Fiat. Ribbons and streamers were attached to the windows and mirrors and a "Just Married" sign was attached to the back, with a J and K and a huge heart along with tin cans, shoes, boots and lucky horseshoes that were all hanging down from beneath the rear bumper. Steve, smelling faintly of Ralgex Heat Spray after his Patrick Swayze exertions the night before, Paul, Jim, Ben and Alfie, were delighted with their handiwork. They said their goodbyes just after 1pm amid congratulations, hugs, kisses and yet more tears. They were pelted with Confetti, rice and rose petals as they got into the Fiat and rattled their way down the driveway, waving and beeping the horn as they went. They reached their first destination after a thirty minute drive. They both got out of the Fiat and walked a short distance, before John said, "Here it is. This is it." Kayleigh looked down then smiled softly at John. "Well Dad, here she is. This is Kayleigh. My Kayleigh. My wife." "...and this is for you", Kayleigh added, as she crouched down and placed her bouquet on the grave. "He really would have loved you, ya know. He would have thought I was one lucky beggar and he would've been right." Kayleigh kissed him gently. "I owe him a lot. He was partly responsible for giving me you." "Oh don't hold that against him", John quipped. "I'll be grateful to him for the rest of my life". They stood in silence for a moment, Kayleigh wrapping her arms tightly around John's arm. "He was a good man Kayleigh. A good husband and a good father. I want to be those things too". "And you will be". "You seem very sure". "Oh I am sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things mind but I'm absolutely certain about you". "I love you, Mrs Redmond". "I love you too", she smiled. John took a moment of silent contemplation, before whispering, "It's getting cold sweetheart. Let’s go huh?" Hand in hand, they slowly walked back to their car. As John started the engine he looked at Kayleigh, smiled and sang, "We're going to Barbados". Instantly the mood was lightened. Kayleigh laughed, then looking at him said, "Do I make you happy John Redmond?" He looked back at her for a second, remembering a long ago night and a missed opportunity. How things had changed, "Yeah...yeah you do...very much...Kayleigh Redmond". They kissed and John started the car. Drifting out of the radio from Forever FM, was an old familiar song, Jimmy Cliff singing, "I Can See Clearly Now". Kayleigh said with delight and an excited squeal, "Ooh, I love this song!" as she reached forward to turn it up. "Me too". John smiled. As they set off they began to sing along....  
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone"  
"I can see all obstacles in my way"  
"Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind"  
"It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day"  
"I think I can make it now the pain is gone"  
"All of the bad feelings have disappeared"  
"Here is that rainbow I've been praying for"  
"It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day"  
"Look all around, nothing but blue skies......"  
Their voices slowly faded out as the little red car drove out of sight and a whole new journey had just begun. Tomorrow would be a very good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this, my first fanfic. I really hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
